Browse Professor Quotes

the greatest thing about being a writer is that you can drink a lot of alcohol, take a lot of drugs, and have a lot of sex, and it qualifies as research!
—Jay Parini, The Structure of Poetry
You know, once I had my own baby I just thoguht all other babies were ugly.
—Professor Kateri Carmola Political Science Professor PS 101- Political Philosophy
Crazy People are dangerous
—J Parini. Prof of modern poetry
Two roads diverged in a f*ckin wood...okay frost didnt write that i just added the f*ck for emphasis.
—j parini. Prof of modern poetry
To reward all of you who came out this afternoon, I thought I would read to you what I believe to be the first ever recorded literary description of the female orgasm. Okay, now that I have all your attention...
—Professor David Price, EL 244, on D.H. Lawrence's 'Sons and Lovers.'
Usually when somebody knocks it's a cop, right? I was about to dive out that window. So from now on, if you're late, don't knock.
—Jeff Carpenter EC155 after a student, late to class, knocked on the door before entering
Generally speaking, crime pays.
—Bob Osbourne, PY207: Conditioning and Learning
And now, let me continue... I mean can you really stop me?
—Professor Nelson, Political Science 107 lecture
The point of history is to get the story crooked!
—Professor James West, History
This is a mature audience, so I can say this. Think about what sex would be like in space.
—Bob Prigo in Physics 109 after a lecture on Newton's Third Law of Motion
Size does matter.

-Prof. Richard Bunt, Chem 241
—Said when explaining how acid strength increases with larger atoms.
You know how goats are...
—Prof. Cynthia Atherton, describing the behavior of animals on a vase.
Marx is an 800 pound gorilla sitting in the middle of history, politics, and society.
—Professor Garcelon, Professor, Introduction to Sociology
Coffee sometimes makes me shit.

--M. Riess, in PY 105-A
—A lecture on drug addiction that quickly degenerated.
Are you on drugs?...Are they good?

- Prof. Allison Stanger
—Asked when a student informed Prof. Stanger that he had surgery to remove his wisdom teeth earlier that morning.
Put your tongue exactly where I tell you to and you'll be doing it perfectly.

-Prof. Berningheusen, in Chinese 101
—explaining how to arrive at proper pronunciation of palatals and retroflexes
You all get those Russian pornagraphic emails right?
—Professor Spackman, Contemporary Moral Issues
If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity happen
—Professor Elizabeth Ennen, Philosophy
Eventually you have to ask yourself, is the person I want to see on the other side of the pillow for the rest of my life
—Prof. Paul Sommers - EC 210 discussing economic sampling and relationships
What do you do in Jamaica then? smoke a little ganja?
—Professor Reiss,PY 105 in response to a student commenting on the lack of psychiatrists in Jamaica.
These are very disturbing evocations...but if it bothers us too much we can join a frat and crack a keg.
—Prof. David Price during EL110, in response to the writings of Tolstoy in "The Death of Ivan Ilyich"
No, You've got to explain it in terms that even George W. Bush would understand.
—Professor Matthews, EC 250 Macro Theory, Talking about the LM model of Financial Markets.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like that drinks as much as you do.
—Prof. Hill EL314: Darwin Among The Poets
I'm an anal retentive prick.
—Professor Pete Nelson, in response to a question if he enjoys filling out the census
They used to have something called 'Survivor' -- it was called WWII.
—Prof. Price, EL 204
Yes, just further proof that in fact, art kills.
—Professor Peter Kalb, HA 325 - Art of the 1960s, discussing the dangers of minimalism.
Feel free to move your arms and legs and blink your eyes. I promise I won't jump or call on you.
—Professor Price, EL208: 20th Century Novel
So its not a melting pot, jussed tossed salad
—Professor Guntraum Herb in Geography of War speaking about the make up of the United States
I won't do it in class because somebody would turn me in...it's for you guys to do in the privacy of your own dorm rooms.
—Prof. Bob Prigo - talking about a physics experiment where you drop an imaginary ball and time it with an imaginary stopwatch.
If you want to eat Pringles from a box that I would put tennis balls in, go ahead.
—Said while discussing the strange consumption patterns of Americans in GG206.
I wouldn't want to be assigned to a Russian station on Antarctica. Can you imagine how long it's been since they've been resupplied? They're probably distilling vodka from their dirty socks.
—Professor Dan Bedford, GG 250: Arctic and Alpine Environments
I have a problem with the term 'sub-free.' Isn't everything a substance? I have this image of kids who live in the sub-free halls as floating around in a vacuum.
—Professor Baldridge, EL 207- 19th C. English Novel
Not checking units is like having sex. Its best to check your units and not have sex, but sometimes you just have to have fun.
—Professor Winkler: PH 202 Quantum Physics
Knowledge is power and power can get you good grades on the test.
—Jeff Byers on how to succeed in organic chemistry
The problem with the Puritans is that if you're having any fun, they usually want to take it away.
—Professor Robert Hill, Darwin and Poets.
Some people smoke crack. I eat these.
—Professor William R. Nash, Am. Lit., referring to M&M's during a holiday party for FS002
Is my fly down? (no) Then why are you looking down there?

-Mark Reiss PY105 discussion
—referring to a girl who was supposedly looking at the fly of his pants
Let me warn you about entering 'Spanky' on a Yahoo keyword search...
—Physics Chair Jeff Dunham in PH 104, referring to web page for mathematical 'Julia' sets maintained by "spanky"
Any single-cause theory of eating disorders is thin. And what we DON'T need is a THIN theory of eating disorders.
—Professor Marc Riess, in WT course on Eating Disorders
For those of you who like to read, you will have multiple orgasms this semester.

-Prof. John Bertolini
—Describing the course to students enrolled in the Senior Reading Colloquium.
Freeze um while they're young. Cause after they turn 17.......
—FIC Dining Manager Russell Hulst commenting on how to handle young people, to a new father.
Is all of modernist literature in some way an encoded sexual agenda?
—Professor Kramer, EL 208: 20th Century Novel
If you're a corrupt doctor, what could you do? Kill us ALL!
—Professor Saleh, RE 110
I know I'm a little nutty. I've come to terms with that. Please indulge me.
—Professor Nash, AL 202
Are any of you studying Greek? Classics? Chira is Greek for hand--I think--isn't that right? Well, none of you know so I can tell you whatever I want.
—Professor Bunt lecturing on Chirality of molecules in Organic Chemistry
To be shy in education is a bad thing. I didn't talk much in class when I
was in college, and I regret it a lot. Now I'm making up for lost time.
—The voluble Professor Stephen Lucey, HA 110 discussion, while waiting for students to respond to a question
You GIVE the insane people a voice!
—Professor West, HI301
'Not here, dammit!!!'
—Professor Jeffrey Carpenter in his Introductory Micro-Economics class, in response to the claim that economics professors are paid salaries that are several times higher than those of English professors.
I am sorry, I overslept. It didn't work.... the alarmclock.
—Professor Smorodinskaya, Russian 103, coming ten minutes late to class.
The bell curve is crap
—Prof. Carpenter - EC155
A pause is a non-verbal nugget of life, not a moment of death. Hmmm.... that's good!
—Prof. Jim Petosa, TH 102: Acting I
What, haven't any of you ever been in a mob?
—Prof John Berninghausen, said in freshman seminar "Literature, Politics, and Memory," during a discussion about Steinbeck's depiction of mob dynamics
Oh FUCK!!
—Ms.Penny Campbell, after a student broke a light bulb on the dance floor in the Creative Process class.
When you tell a person you love them, it's the most naked you'll be in your life...except for maybe Castro's secret police.
—Prof. J. Bertolini in Modern British Drama class
I try not to.
—Popular PS professor when asked if she reads The Campus.
It's so quiet in here i can hear the mice fucking in the walls.
—Professor Hill, FS 012 [Lyric and Narrative Poetry], Sept. 1997.
Prof: Here's an example, why do you go to Middlebury?
Student: Personal edification
Prof: I don't know what that means. What about connections?
—Prof. Carpenter - EC155 during a lecture on the legitimacy of charging differently for generally the same product.
I've been meaning to ask you - what does 'ectoplasm' mean in everyday conversation...does 'ectoplasm' even occur in everyday conversation
—Prof. Ennen - asking a question her Philosophy of the Mind class was not exactly sure how to handle
Whenever I see nuns today I get really giddy...I was such a good little boy!
—Prof. Saleh, RE 150, The Islamic Tradition
Student: Professor, what was sex like in the 17th century?
Prof. Billings: It was GOOD.
—Prof. Tim Billings, EL 204, discussing the historical context of Paradise Lost.
Eat shit and die.
—Professor Keenen, Religion, quoting a Zen Buddhist master.
We should probably just leave a big bong in the back room for kids to use before matches.
—Professor Bob Martin, Men's Tennis Coach (On coming up with a solution to the team's recent nerve problems in singles play.)
I'm never going to be like Ricky Martin.
—Professor Waldron on beauty, in Asian Traditions lecture.
You smell that perfume? That's the perfume of the moment!
—Prof. Castronuovo, trying to convince his IT103 class of the merits of the subjunctive mood.
What, you don't know that song? What do you guys make out to????
—Professor Castronuovo, Italian 103
Hey everyone, let's hop on Laura's molecule.
—Steve Sontum, Chem 351, Chemistry
Welcome to Hell.
—Prof. Skubikowski when a student mistakenly wandered into his Italian seminar on Dante's Inferno.
I receive Russian pornographic email forwards all the time...... don't you guys?
—Professor Spackman, PA 206 A CONTEMP MORAL ISSUES
Free drugs! It can't get any better than that!
—Dave, the track coach/Grille manager on hearing that the father of one of his athletes was going to "hook him up" with some "free samples".... of allergy medicine.
AH! I'm Miss Piggy!
—said Professor West, striking a dramatic pose as he entered the character of Catherine the Great.
...wait, don't put that [the sentence just said] on any of those web sites.
—Prof. Jeffery Carpenter, after realizing he might be quoted on the DailyJolt again.
Mmm . . . Clever!
—Professor Spackman, Contemporary Moral Issues
Have you ever been at a cocktail party in Greenwich?...Every time I'm in a situation like that I think of Karl Marx.
—Prof. Stanger in IS445, discussing works by Lenin and Stalin.
So you all didn't think about the characters of Saul and David all weekend? What is this...what do you people do?
—Professor Yarbrough, Intro to Biblical Literature
Caligula? Would you like to see that movie?
—Professor Ganiban of the Classics department, in response to a student who pointed out the existence of the Penthouse movie "Caligula".
COOL!
—Professor David Stoll in response to a student saying that she heard that pretty soon human beings will not decompose when they die because of all the preservatives we eat.
...in grad school I had a rule that I wouldn't get off my ass for less than $10/hr
—Professor Jeffery Carpenter, Economics talking about minimum wage
One of the reasons our government is in power is to debase the English language.
—Professor Wonnacott, Economics 340, International Economics
Down with obviousness, it’s better to be confused.
—Prof Ted Perry (film dpt), TH 135: Sight and Sound
And the telephone pole - that's a phallic symbol.
—Professor Richard Romagnoli, Theatre Department, discussing Tennessee Williams, his sexuality, and his symbolism in The Glass Menagerie
The Tyranosaurus sex might have actually had feathers.
—Professor Helen Young, Bio 195 Genetics and Evolution, lecture on evolution of traits
If you want to know how to stop bulldozers with Caro, consult 'The Monkey Wrench Gang'. If you want to sign on, come see me discretely.
—A professor during a final biology class
What kind of bitch cannot smell her own puppy? (in a booming Russian voice)
—Professor Davydov, FS 035 Russia: the Euro-Asian Nation, referring to the royal mother's acceptance of a false pretender to the throne of Russia. (The pretender was a Polish monk gone nuts).
You don't want to light Sambuca on fire because that burns the alcohol away, and you really want the alcohol...
—Professor McMenamin in Italian 101, while referring to Italian drinks.
No, no, I know better than to try to give an intelligeble lecture after one of my brownies. I'm serious about this columbian coco, its got something mysterious in it. You guys just sit our there and buzz, and I'll lecture.
—Professor Janie Wulff, Aquatic Ecology. In response to a student asking if she wanted the last brownie she had baked for the class.
It tends to be beastly hot.
—Professor John Hunisak, HA 105, describing the weather in Rome.
You've never been in a state of war? Anyone ever been to Seattle?
—Professor M. Dry, PS-101. Discussing the natural state of war that exists between men.
This Silly Class!
—Professor Jeff Dunham Chaos and Complexity
Did you ever imagine when you were peeing, if you took all the pee and all the poop you ever made and put it in a room, how big the room would be?
—Abby Zito - In HA 325 on Kiki Smith's work of art titled Peabody
You'll have to speak up a little. Steven Tyler is still ringing in my ears from when I listened to him in the 80s.
—Prof. Mark Williams, PS 201, response when a student attempted to contribute some thoughts to discussion.
Every time you're showy, flashy, loud... somebody's going to kill you.
—Prof. Young talking about sexual selection and natural selection
Actually I have a helicopter waiting for me on the roof of Munroe

-Prof. Dry
—responding to a student's inquiry as to whether he would be walking or driving to a lecture across campus
I gave it to my wife over dinner last night.
—Professor Jeffrey Dunham, talking about one of this years PY 104 exams that he administered to his wife.
Well... The nice way to say it is putanna
—Prof. Mecmenimin of the Italian dept. - explaining to his 101 students how to solicit on the streets of Naples
Thank you, Mr. Zelnick, we all know what sodomy is now.

--Prof. M. Dry, Constitutional Law
—Thanking a student who cited the definition of sodomy under Georgia State Law.
Those of you learning Pascal were probably hammered....

prof b. martin, CX 121
—said during a computer science lecture. After pausing he continued "...into doing it a different way."
Smoke rings outa my arse?! Welcome to Middlesbury!

-Stevie Starr, Professional Regurgitator
—after swallowing smoke and asking students which orifice they want to see it come out of
So, basically, you can wedge from in front or from in back...
—Prof. Richard Arthur, in Intro to Modern Logic, explaining the uses of the wedge symbol in argument proofs.
Comedy comes from depression, when you look at yourself and say: Wow. My life is so pathetic, it's funny.

Robert Cohen
—Writing workshop
I can doubt that I have a body; I can think that I am dreaming, or on drugs or something.

Prof. Richard Arthur
—Discussing Cartesian thinking

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